I’m slightly panicked.
Nothing is happening.
What if I will not be able to go to Brazil this year? (link)
What if I will never be able to go?
My stomach turns.
I started a blog series about the process of going to Brazil and finding eco-entrepreneurial business opportunities. To show how the process unfolds and how it will work out. Because I believed it would work out.
But now I have the feeling that nothing is happening. And I’m having internal monologues about it.
What will people think when they read this blog and see that it might not work out? Why am I so open and sharing? On a public blog. Damn.
What do you care about others … If it fails, it fails. Period.
I still feel sick.
Because if it fails, will I always live in the Netherlands? Shall I never go abroad again for a long time? Or rather, will I never leave the country that feels foreign to me? Am I going to live a life in which I work 9 to 5, doing everyday things, hobby a little bit. A few vacations now and then.
It makes me feel suffocated.
Just keep on going.
But how? I have no inspiration.
I’ve been so busy with work.
I scheduled to work on it every week, but I keep moving the calendar items to another day and eventually completely deleting them. So, for example I haven’t done anything yet for a long time with all the information I have obtained. I haven’t studied it, processed it, nor ordered it.
I also don’t want to investigate whether I’m not doing it because of lack of time or that I’m sabotaging my plan with all kinds of subconscious old beliefs and fears.
And therefore I have no spectacular discoveries or insights.
I have nothing to write a blog about. Nothing is happening.
Whoa, wait, Fenanda, you said: “I’m so busy with work?” With what?
Well, I have worked hard to sharpen my mission and focus. That I processed in all my sites. Moreover, I translated my blogs, products and services. I also surfed the internet in search of international fora, inspiring blogs and other things. But that isn’t working on the Brazil plan, though.
Yeah right. No, those things you’ve mentioned have really nothing to do with your Brazil plan.
Hmm. Oh yeah. When I go to Brazil, it is useful to also have an English site. And it is useful to focus on what happens outside the Netherlands.
So things ARE happening. You just don’t see it. And the people around you, won’t see it either – if you do not tell this story.
So here you go. I told the story.
I get the feeling that we (subconsciously) create and maintain an illusion of instant success (or the illusion of instant failure ;-)). With many plans and projects, you don’t always see results from the steps you take. And some steps don’t seem to have anything to do with your plan. But they do.
I refuse to contribute to that illusion. If it is necessary that I fling my inner dialogue on the worldwide web…
So be it.
This is a special blog about my plans to go to Brazil and research eco-entrepreneurial business opportunities in Brazil. You can find an overview of all the articles here